so.messed.up.part2

i drink.
i cheat.
i betray my friends.
i lie to my family.
i hate my job.
i hate my life. period.
i pretend to be all nice in front of u
but trust me i am a wolf in sheep's clothing.
i am mean.
i am vindictive.
YES i am vindictive. that's the word.
i am a stalker.
i dunno who to turn to.
i dunno who i can trust.
hell i dun even know myself most of the time.
and then i just wallow in self pity and i drink.
back to square one. fantastic.
i have done so many horrible things to so many people.
and they dun even know it.
i am sick.
i am perverted.
i am angry all the time.
i don't understand how i can be this angry with everything.
i wasn't like this when i was young.
fuck, i am damaged goods.
sometimes i tell myself to focus on my positive qualities and maybe the bad ones will go away.
and then i think
WHAT POSITIVE QUALITIES?!
WHO AM I KIDDING?!
that's it.
i am done.
at the end of the day, i can only tell myself.
i am human.
and i have flaws.
...
but even then, sometimes that's not enough.