Being angsty

Sometimes i wonder how or what made me angsty. even my mum gave up trying to understand me. she said i used to be smiley and cute when i was younger. but my de facto face is now black, as if the whole world owes me something. i'm cynical, bitter and angry all the time. what gives?

as far as im concerned. i've been nothing but nice, considerate and straightforward with whoever im dealing with. if there's no reason to smile, i dun see a point to. its not that im in a bad mood. but i dun wanna waste my energy lifting up my cheeks for no apparent reason. i talk only when im being spoken to. i dun initiate conversations unless im bored or i need some info outta you.

i make my point clear. if i dun like something and i refuse to go somewhere to meet for dinner/movies/etc, i state it up front. i hate it when people always ANYTHING me. dun give me anything. i hate it. have some opinions of ur own pls. dun want say dun want. want say want. dun anything anything anything. to me, that's even more troublesome. cos nothing gets decided. dun force me to accept things i dun like or want to do. i may succumb to peer pressure, but that doesnt mean i am accepting it happily.

if u promise me something. MAKE SURE U KEEP IT. i'd make sure i do the same and return the favour, and appreciate it if some form of gratitude is shown at the end. im human. i need to feel like my efforts have not gone unnoticed. if u promise something and dun fulfil, trust me when i say i will forever remember it and use it to my advantage in future. yes. i hold grudges. surprise surprise.

There's only so much i can or am willing to do to redeem myself for my wrongdoings before i look completely ridiculous or desperate. dun assume that i would be doing this forever. im not that hardup for a friendship. Thereafter, dun expect me to budge, give in or give u the upperhand. i am SO DONE with the lack of acknowledgement on ur part. like i said, want say want. dun want say dun want. dun waste my time and energy.

thanks.