Swan song

Swan Song

Origin: This term derived from the legend that, while they are mute during the rest of their lives, swans sing beautifully and mournfully just before they die.

Meaning: A final gesture or performance, given before dying or retirement.

Just 24 hours ago... i performed my last dance for KR Dance... a KR dance production no less.... and how apt - 24 Hours to Boarding. While my job isn't as taxing as many others and i do get to go home on time almost every other day, physically and mentally, i just can't keep up anymore. my knees and ankles especially are getting seriously worn out, so much so that i can actually feel it weakening with every practice... and it doesnt help that practices are usually held so late at night.... it's a case of 力不从心... which is really quite sad because dance is the ONE THING i did on my own initiative, without anyone forcing me.

I actually performed my first dance in sec 2 for chinese new year and choreographed for the first time (quite single handedly) in sec 4 for a teacher's day concert... since then i discovered i felt so bloody alive on stage dancing, more than playing piano or competing in swimming ever made me feel. perhaps it's the adrenaline rush dancers get while performing... it's an addiction of sorts. somehow, things didn't pan out the way i'd like thereafter and i haven't performed or danced since sec school, unless u count mass dances...

When i came into hall, i was presented the chance to join dance.... and i just went out on a limb and seized the opportunity to do what i remembered i enjoyed doing a long time ago. and thank god i went for the auditions cos it was one of the best decisions of my life. to be able to perform with people i love, entertaining the crowd, the comaraderie that's formed. To put it simply, it was priceless.... if i had to do it all over again, if time could reverse, i would do it all again, even if it meant having to take NUS exams 8 times over.

I had initially pulled out of production due to the reasons above... but i was again, presented the chance to come back when someone else pulled out. I kept thinking... perhaps some cosmic forces are telling me to return one last time, to maybe, on some level, pass on the passion for dance to the younger generation with my mere presence. so yeah. i did go back, despite being a complete loser, still performing at such an old age... despite many of my friends telling me i should move on. the truth it, it's really very hard to move on from something u like doing.

I wasn't as involved in DP as i'd like because firstly, i wasn't asked to be involved. 2ndly, i pulled out halfway, it would just be very off to self invite and contribute. which is why it wasnt a big surprise that i didn't cry at the end of it.... maybe i have already mentally prepared myself for it. or perhaps because when the curtains came down, i realised besides step, peter, bix, weijie, oli and xxy, there wasnt anyone there i could hug in a sea full of strangers... which was an extremely sad feeling. i was just wondering around aimlessly, hoping when i can go out and meet aili, ct and alexis. and that's not how i wanted things to end. i wanted it to end with a bang, but it ended up somewhat ho hum for me.

So, regretfully, after 5 DUs, 1 DP, 3 Rags, 3 senior performances, 4 culture nights, 2 funkamanias and 1 bash... i think it's really time to bid farewell to performing, while i'm still sorta at the top of my game, when it's still at a (somewhat) high instead of a lull... cos that's what i want to remember dance as.

7 years.... thanks for the wonderful memories.


Wait it out - imogen heap