IM NOT A SAINT

I HAVE NEVER SAID I WAS A SAINT. NEITHER DO I PORTRAY MYSELF AS ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY CLOSE TO THAT.

there are only 2 things i have done to my friends, in my 27 humble years of living, that i ever regretted. One led to an almost falling out with a friend who subsequently forgave me (eternally grateful & fortunate). the other person is not worth mentioning.

other than that, i bitch, i judge, i curse and swear at the most inappropriate times, i've scolded people till they cry. hell, i think i am this close to becoming a sex maniac. but i don't and have never ever done things to hurt people when i'm obviously at fault and still think it's ok.

FUCK THIS SHIT. Pls keep barking like a mad dog. because everyone already thinks that.... PUI!

This blog is becoming inactive

i have no intention to blog anymore.... writer's block.

Trip number 2 - June 18 to 20 Penang.....

MIssing in action

Will be away from 28 May till 8 June in the land of tulips, space brownies and red-light district..... miss y'all bitches... but really quite glad to be leaving this wretched place.

should i or shouldnt i

i havent been blogging for the longest time.

today i had my div teambuilding. i was the one who single-handledly made this shit happen.

we had a TONNE of fun. i love my colleagues even if i dun normally hang out with them.

i feel like im being paid like shit....... i dun think i shud be staying here for the rest of my life considering this is my FIRST JOB.

i dun love my job but i dun hate it either. i do for the sake of doing.

i am at a cross road cos if i wanna JUMP SHIP i shud JUMP right after june.....

i wanna do something radically different. i even went online to google "how to become a sommelier".

pple have been approaching me up down left right centre to go join them.

HOWEVER

I DUNNO WHAT I WANT but i definitely know what i DUN WANT.

which is to be an engineer.

so how..... I DUNNO WHAT TO DO....... i need $$$$$ and  i need some ideas.

I WANNA GO OVERSEAS..... do some menial job.... get minimum wage..... bump off pple's accoms and see what's next..... BUT I HAVE NO GUTS..................

why must it be so difficult.......

Now that the elections are over....

everyone can finally get on with their lives, as if nothing has happened... and when people asks "so where do u live" and i reply "hougang", i finally do not need to go into a long drawn explanation as to "no it's not the part belonging to the opposition" because i am IN the fucking opposition now...

with a team consisting of a middle aged woman who is still a law lecturer, a dude who just came back to Spore after 30 yrs, another dude who's still freaking studying, a Teochew "hooligan" or another dude who no one really knows who the eff he is or cares abt, we shall see if the oppo lives up to their promises or if the ruling govt makes a superhuge comeback in 5 years.

*just a personal opinion. do not sue me thanks.

randoms

 

Yeap just saying. GOD I MISS BEING HAPPY. like SERIOUSLY.

USA PART TROIS

ok... i know im such an americanophile but i cant help it!!!

JULY 15 to JULY 31
LOS ANGELES - LAS VEGAS - SAN FRANCISCO

HERE I COMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Things to do before i turn 30 part 2

and i was just thinking, how awesome would it be to celebrate turning 30 Hangover style....on the eve of my birthday, im just totally gonna book a villa at Capella, hire a chef to cook my friends and i some really decadent food, sip on exquisite wine, get some hot tub action, do some drugs and just get smashed.... no not wasted, SHIT FACED!!! Then wake up to a room full of strippers and a lion.

HOW AWESOME POSSUM WOULD THAT BE.

Things to do before i turn 30

you know how some people come up with some random list of things to do before they die? fuck that... im not gonna wait till that day comes... i could very well just die tmr. so.... here's some stuff i'd like to accomplish before i hit 30:

1. change my job... not that i hate mine now. i just need to do something different
2. go skiing again... even thou the first time was pretty traumatic
3. quit this nasty addiction of mine.... no, not alcohol. the other one that makes my teeth yellow
4. learn to forgive myself for all the wrong things i've done.... cos i'm only human and i need to move on
5. fall in love again.... and hopefully this time with the right person
6. learn to use my brain and my heart more equally....
7. go back to europe cos i seriously miss that place a lot

on a side note, my dept just did a personality test as part of team building using the Myer Briggs type indicator and im totally an ISTJ.... what's yours?

Shades of Grey

Because nothing is 100% black or white in this world.

it's been quite long since i've blogged and frankly i've lost all drive to....

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hmmm how much do u really know of a person?

wow ok havent been blogging for quite some time.... interim update

Sometimes it feels like we are moving 1 step forward, 3 steps back.... repeat. sorry i dunno how to read minds. I am not professor X. This is too draining until i don't really care what happens anymore.

Number deleted

Msn blocked not yet deleted

Facebook......in progress

If there is one thing i wanna change abt me....

i wish i wasnt such an angry person. nothing else. i dun wanna be rich, i dun wanna be attached, i dun wanna be whatever.... these things, i can work on myself n i know someday i'll get there.

i just dun wanna be angry. BUT I REALLY DUNNO HOW.

Change

TODAY marks the day i finally got an iphone4. this is the first time im using apple products, which i was so determined to NOT USE because i really hate change.... i prefer sticking to the same formulas, same set of rules, same same same. but some change might do me good... and im pretty good at adapting. i just hate the first step....

so yes. just tot i would blog this :))))))))))))))))))))))

Get off your moral high horse

In medieval times, knights (nobility) rode horses while peasants (commoners) did not. So the knights could literally look down upon the common folk, considering them to be inferior and therefore beneath their notice.
The sentiment survives today in the expression 'on a high horse', meaning those who think they're better than the people around them: more devout or pious, less likely to be dishonest, always in the right (or at least, in the wrong far less often).
The reality is that very few people are that saintly; and the ones that are usually have a healthy dose of humility to keep them grounded. So, to tell someone to get off their moral high horse is a not-so-polite way of reminding them that they're really no better than the rest of us, no matter how much they might want to believe otherwise.

I am this close to doing something very destructive...

Tears of a Clown

I'm all for being the clown. cos i like making people laugh..... but the tragedy of being a clown is..... when you cry, people still think it's a damn joke.

this is ultimately destructive to thy soul.

Tokyo?!

my aunt just asked me if i wanna follow her to tokyo for 7days in April.... cos she is on a biz trip and apparently the hotel she is staying is quite nice... im slightly tempted but i dunno if i should. i've done the whole travelling alone thing before and frankly this time rd i would wanna do it with a fren at least.... but dammit... should i?

Swan song

Swan Song

Origin: This term derived from the legend that, while they are mute during the rest of their lives, swans sing beautifully and mournfully just before they die.

Meaning: A final gesture or performance, given before dying or retirement.

Just 24 hours ago... i performed my last dance for KR Dance... a KR dance production no less.... and how apt - 24 Hours to Boarding. While my job isn't as taxing as many others and i do get to go home on time almost every other day, physically and mentally, i just can't keep up anymore. my knees and ankles especially are getting seriously worn out, so much so that i can actually feel it weakening with every practice... and it doesnt help that practices are usually held so late at night.... it's a case of 力不从心... which is really quite sad because dance is the ONE THING i did on my own initiative, without anyone forcing me.

I actually performed my first dance in sec 2 for chinese new year and choreographed for the first time (quite single handedly) in sec 4 for a teacher's day concert... since then i discovered i felt so bloody alive on stage dancing, more than playing piano or competing in swimming ever made me feel. perhaps it's the adrenaline rush dancers get while performing... it's an addiction of sorts. somehow, things didn't pan out the way i'd like thereafter and i haven't performed or danced since sec school, unless u count mass dances...

When i came into hall, i was presented the chance to join dance.... and i just went out on a limb and seized the opportunity to do what i remembered i enjoyed doing a long time ago. and thank god i went for the auditions cos it was one of the best decisions of my life. to be able to perform with people i love, entertaining the crowd, the comaraderie that's formed. To put it simply, it was priceless.... if i had to do it all over again, if time could reverse, i would do it all again, even if it meant having to take NUS exams 8 times over.

I had initially pulled out of production due to the reasons above... but i was again, presented the chance to come back when someone else pulled out. I kept thinking... perhaps some cosmic forces are telling me to return one last time, to maybe, on some level, pass on the passion for dance to the younger generation with my mere presence. so yeah. i did go back, despite being a complete loser, still performing at such an old age... despite many of my friends telling me i should move on. the truth it, it's really very hard to move on from something u like doing.

I wasn't as involved in DP as i'd like because firstly, i wasn't asked to be involved. 2ndly, i pulled out halfway, it would just be very off to self invite and contribute. which is why it wasnt a big surprise that i didn't cry at the end of it.... maybe i have already mentally prepared myself for it. or perhaps because when the curtains came down, i realised besides step, peter, bix, weijie, oli and xxy, there wasnt anyone there i could hug in a sea full of strangers... which was an extremely sad feeling. i was just wondering around aimlessly, hoping when i can go out and meet aili, ct and alexis. and that's not how i wanted things to end. i wanted it to end with a bang, but it ended up somewhat ho hum for me.

So, regretfully, after 5 DUs, 1 DP, 3 Rags, 3 senior performances, 4 culture nights, 2 funkamanias and 1 bash... i think it's really time to bid farewell to performing, while i'm still sorta at the top of my game, when it's still at a (somewhat) high instead of a lull... cos that's what i want to remember dance as.

7 years.... thanks for the wonderful memories.


Wait it out - imogen heap

facebook killed blogging

i used to be able to kill time reading blogs. but as time goes by, i find more and more blogs not getting updated or closed. i blame facebook... you destroyed blogging and i will never forgive u for that. and may i add twitter as an accomplice.... 3/4 of my linked blogs are no longer active.... about time i did some housekeeping to weed out these.

i no longer blog about my happening weekends because it's really not something i find fun anymore. and this space, to me, has evolved into somewhere for me to talk abt stuff/opinions, not talk about what i did. diary-esque blogs are so last season....... wait. BLOGS in general are so last season. i've been blogging less and less and who knows, one day i might just be too darn lazy to keep this up.

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yeah i know right.